Sunday Slobday

This weekend has been so nice and chilled, I've loved it!

Saturday after cleaning my house and then having a nice bath, I painted my nails and sat with Antony whilst he played his game.

Ant's mum brought round some cupboards for storage in the mancave, which was great.. apart from the fact that I had swept and mopped the floor and ... it was ruined by grass and muddy foot prints about an hour later *upside down smile emoji*

Anyway, that's my mini moan over, can't have a post without at least one moan!

So Saturday evening we were going out for Ant's mum' birthday so we got ready and headed into Staines. As we arrived we heard Hannah, Ant's sis and one of my mates, shouting out the window of her brother's car 'wait for me!! They're refusing to walk with me!!'

Hannah had a wig party after the meal we were going to and looked... different.

She had pink/orangey hair, multi coloured fur cardigan on and little mini skirt.. she looked awesome, just maybe not for Nandos and cinema!

Anyway, Nandos was yummy and nice to see everyone. Halloumi sticks are my absolute favourite thing at the moment, with chilli jam, they're so nice! Dinner was slightly rushed as we had to get to the cinema.

We got to the cinema and Ant spent £15 on sweets and ice cream.. I got the fanta frozen which is so nice and I haven't had in years!

We were seeing Infinity War which is an Avengers film. This is something Ant loves, as do his family, not something I would usually watch. But it was so good! We all really enjoyed it.

I am such an early bird so I was really tired after the film. It was only about 11pm but I wake before 7 every day and so I always want to go to sleep early (unless having a sesh haha).

So we came home, we had a cuppa tea and then went to bed.

I woke up at 8:47! Which was after Antony! This makes me so happy and I love when Ant is the one awake before me because it's so rare and it means he brings me coffee and I get to be the sleepy one.

Anyway, I woke up, got ready and went off to the gym.

I have almost closed my rings for this whole month but recently cheated a little, I put the watch on exercise when I was cleaning my house and so yes, I closed my rings, but no I didn't really do a workout.

So I had my break yesterday and today I went to a tone class. I have to say it was a lot of cardio for a tone class! But I enjoyed it a lot.

I went to Sainsburys and then to my friend Chris' house who recently left the company I work for.

I had a coffee and a catch up and he showed me round his lovely house/cabin at the back of his garden. The cabin is so awesome, a really chilled out area with an amazing hot tub in it. I am looking after his cats for the next two weeks as he is going to California.

Chris' house is in between mine and work so should be quite easy to fit into my routine and I love cats of course so will be nice!

I text Lois earlier and mentioned we could have our Tuesday catch up there!

I then came home and after a quick shower, started making a chilli.

I really enjoy cooking and so when I'm feeling fresh on a Sunday, take the opportunity to make food and freeze it. So I made loads of chilli and marinated chicken for tonight's curry.

Me and Ant are making a chicken and spinach balti, I've not made this before so hoping it's yummy!

Obviously it's Sunday so it's the law to slob. So once I'd sorted foody bits out, I plonked myself next to Antony who is, surprise surprise, playing his playstation.

I've watched about 3 episodes of First Dates and now I think I'll watch Educating Greater Manchester.

I want to distract myself away from the fact the weekend is almost over! But I am feeling good, after a nice and chilled weekend I feel I am going to work anxiety and tiredness free. Well hopefully anyway!

Weekend is here

Thursdays work social went well!

I have to say I was so anxious about it most of the day, sweating but not hot and just worrying about what could go wrong and that I might mess it up. And the work deodorant smelt like man so I’m oretty sure I did for the rest of the night.

We left work and all headed into Feltham where the bowling alley was.

We got to the desk and I checked us all in, got the drinks and the food ordered and then got the games started!

I was so so bad. Almost every ball went straight down the side.. but you know I was there to make sure everyone was sorted and having a good time. So my aim was to be really rubbish so that everyone else felt good about how they were doing!

We had another drink and switched the teams around, it was good fun!

We then headed to Nando’s which was a short walk away.. I thought I knew where it was, until turning a corner and it not being where I expected. I definitely had a little panic inside because 20 odd people were following me!

Luckily it was just round the next corner. Phew.

Then the mayhem! We all got to our big table at the back, it was loud and the whole place was so packed! In Nando’s they don’t come and take your order so it was up to me to go around the table and get everyone’s order. It was slightly challenging as people were not specific! But all fine.

I went off to the till to order 700 chicken thighs..

Eventually everyone got their meal and we all sat eating and chatting  away. We had a good laugh.. At the end, my director said it was well organised and seemed happy. Massive relief.

Then next morning was FriYaY!

I dont really have much planned for this weekend and am looking forward to a chill to be honest as this week has been miserable at times and I have to say I’ve been pretty anxious for a lot of the week.

Talking about anxiety..

A couple years ago I went on a work trip to somewhere where they spoke about bomb making, interesting stuff! It was just me and one of the other guy that worked with me, Mark.

Everything was fine, until 2 people walked up to us and started chatting away. Out of nowhere I had what I compare to an out of body experience .. sounds weird and probably dramatic but anyway.

I just couldn’t speak or move and I felt like my head was too big and heavy for my body.

My thoughts didn’t feel like normal thoughts in my head.

I was sweaty and feeling really hot and my brain just wouldn’t work. I had absolutely no idea what was happening. I just remember feeling stuck where I was and had no idea what to do. It honestly felt like I had taken a hallucinogenic drug or something.

I took myself off to the loo and just tried to breath but all I kept thinking was what the hell is happening to me?!

The rest of the day was awful because I just kept trying to play it cool but all I could think was what if it happens again. There was no-one I could talk to and Mark was my lift so I couldn’t leave even though that’s all I wanted to do!

So I’m pretty sure I had some sort of panic attack, but why! I still don’t know.

Since then I’ve had a pretty bumpy ride with anxiety. I always think that’s going to happen again and I genuinely feel my life has been different since that day.

Now I get hot and bothered randomly and worry about all sorts of things. It’s not all the time, it’s mainly at work or maybe even some social events but not too often.

I have to fight my own thoughts. Really tell myself everything is fine and ask myself what am I actually worrying about. I have to remind myself where I am, who I have around me and really calm myself down.

Anyway the reason I spoke about this is because this week I’ve had a bit of a bad time with it. With the worry of drinking too much over the previous weekend, having an argument with Antony and the work social.

I got home yesterday feeling so drained. But! I had some wine and ordered a curry and enjoyed my night.

Today I’ve woken up feeling positive, cleaned my entire house and now chilling in the bath.

This has been a very long post so i’ll leave it there. To anyone else who has had a similar experience or struggling with anxiety. It’s okay to feel like that! It’s actually a lot more common that I first thought., just breathe and remind youself. Life. Is. Good. And you are okay!

Life

So I wasn't going to post until tomorrow to be honest, but then my mum was asking why I hadn't posted. I haven't posed because I haven't had the best couple of days! I didn't want to have depressive and moany posts on here, but then my mum, quite rightly said that it won't be a true account of my life without the moany posts! 

I wanted this blog to be able to look back on how life was for me at 24! Even the negative bits.

So, mum you asked for it!

On Tuesday, I spent the majority of the day feeling pretty down about the fact that I drank too much over the weekend and ended up having a drama with Emily. Me and Emily are quite close friends considering we don't see each other all the time and she's my brother's gf. So it was upsetting to have a drama and know it was my fault! 

It's all fine now as we have spoken about it and know it was just drunken stupidity. But yeah, I spent most of Tuesday moping about and worrying about what people think of me when I drink. I drink to have a good time! I hate the thought of people thinking I am bringing the mood down or ruining the fun! I am going to really try and drink in moderation whatever that means.. so I'm gonna drink until I'm a fun level and not go past it.. and past it.....aaaand past it. 

Anyway, I cheered up when I got home and me and Antony had a stair cuddle. Stair cuddles are the absolute best! I am only 5 foot and so if I stand on the bottom stair and Antony on the floor means we have a really good hug! I genuinely find its a healing hug, so soppy but its really helps. 

Wednesday was a normal work day to be honest, not much to report! Just work, meet Ant for lunch/coffee and back to work. 

I actually went into Primark after work to treat myself to some new tops and shoes as it was payday.

I got home and did some house work and waited for Ant to come home. Lois had text me she'd had a bit of drama with her boyfriend and then when I mentioned it to Antony, we ended up having a bit of a drama! So yesterday wasn't much fun either BUT we have talked it through and are fine.. me and Antony never ever argue unless its just petty like 'put your shoes in the shoe area for god sake!!'

So having this drama yesterday hurt alot because it's so unlike us. But as I said, we are fine now and I can't wait to see him at 12 for a squeeze!

Today my manager is back in work and I am looking forward to seeing her tanned self and hearing all the holiday stories. 

After work we are all off to bowling and then Nandos which should be good fun! I am slightly anxious about it just because I am the organiser so I need to be loud and get everything together, sort drink order and food orders out. I am looking forward to it, but as I said I'm 5 foot and tiny so I sometimes feel like how am I supposed to organise 20 people! But I am a loudmouth and I'm sure it will all go fine. 

I'll let you know how it goes!

Last min lunch

As you know if you read my super exciting blog.. my dad and family all left yesterday to head back home. Or did they?!

I was texting my dad to see what he was up to whilst I was at work and he ended up coming to meet me and Ant for lunch! It was so nice to have that little extension on our weekend and we went to Nostrano Lounge which I love. It's so cute and cosy. And the food is really good, I always get the soup. Mm Mm. 

That really cheered my Monday up! 

What else cheered me up is after getting home from work/gym, my house was clean and tidy!! 

My family had emptied my dishwasher, hung up my washing, empty the bins.. and yeah, made everywhere look lovely. Which I am SO grateful for as I was thinking I'd get home, have a proper clean and tidy then just go to bed. But I managed to be chilling on the sofa by half 6! I also slept at half 9! Beautiful.

Oh, they also left us this note:

I woke up this morning feeling refreshed and ready for the day! I did write a to do list of things I want to do when I get in, like tidy the secret places where I plonked stuff! And I want to have a nice long bath and have another early night because I just love my sleep.

My day has just gone from quite positive to really quite shite though. 

At the weekend when we went to the food festival I had a bit of a drama with my brother's girlfriend. Which was really stupid because we are quite close and get on really well! 

Anyway, long story short my mums just told me some home truths about how I am an idiot when I'm drunk and change.. and now I'm sat here thinking about how everyone talks about me and how much of a twat I am when I drink.. just feels really really crap. It's no-ones fault other than my own that I am feeling down now because I do drink too much and I should stop when I'm feeling pissed!

So I'm not really gonna write much more because it would just be depressing! 

Hopefully my next post will be a happier one. 

Sunday funday

Sundays I always find slightly depressing.

For me, I always wake up really hungover and then the realisation of work sets in later and its just a bit meh.

But, on this occasion it wasn't so bad at all! I mean, I did wake up feeling pretty rough in the end but managed to shake it off and make us all a fry up and again, out into the sunshine!

I am so glad Antony returned the set of table and chairs for outside because the new ones are so much better (obviously) and we've used them every day since! It's been so nice. Especially as there's been 10 of us at certain points and my house isn't huge!

Anyway, so back to Sunday. We spent most of the day chilling in the garden, talking about the usual, weather, holidays, serial killers.. you know.

We then all bundled into the cars to go and visit Runnymede Air force Memorial. It was pretty incredible to be honest.

The view from the top was awesome! You could see Windsor Castle and Heathrow.





Obviously, it's an awful reason as to why it exists but I also thought it was such a lovely way to remember those who fought for us. We had a wander round for a while and Antony was giving me a History lesson.. I should have listened in school really!

We then left to go to the Magna Carta but that was closed, so we just went for a walk around. We did look at the 'Jurors' which I googled as I couldn't explain what they were: ' Twelve intricately worked bronze chairs stand together on this ancient meadow. Each chair incorporates symbols and imagery representing concepts of law and key moments in the struggle for freedom, rule of law and equal rights. The Jurors is not a memorial, but rather an artwork that aims to examine the changing and ongoing significance and influences of Magna Carta.'




They were really cool! And now I really want to learn more about this kind of thing.. I want to go back to school to be honest and really concentrate because I feel like I didn't make the most of it at all.

We were all feeling pretty tired now so we headed back home.

Connor used to be a chef and so offered to make us all a cheesy, creamy, spinachy, leeky, amazing pasta bake. Omg it was incredible! And I have it tonight too as there was loads left!

So, we ate this delicious meal and then it was time for Connor and his girlfriend Emily to leave. I really hate this part..

We said our goodbyes and my dad dropped them to the train station.

Feeling really tired after a weekend of drinking in the sun, we pretty much all went to bed when my dad got back. I slept so awfully as all I could think about was going back to work and routine.. was dreaming about making salads for lunches.

Anyway, so it's Monday morning and I'm feeling a little bit sad as when I get home after work, my house is going to be empty and quiet. I absolutely love seeing my family but having to say bye again really sucks when they live so far away!

We really did have such an amazing weekend! So many laughs were had and memories were made. It's been so so much fun and I want to re-do it all.. but maybe tomorrow so I can catch up on some sleep first.

Food festival

Waking up yesterday morning at 7 then going back to sleep until 8 was so impressive! Finally later than 6am!

I got up and went for a run, the weather is still so nice! I seriously wish it could be sunny allllll year round.

So after my run, I got back, showered and got ready to sit in the sun again! We all had some breakfast and chilled outside with a drink.

My older brother Adam came round with his girlfriend Erika too. Erika brought me some clothes round which I love! She’s given me loads of her clothes in the past and it’s beaut because.. new clothes obviously! But also they’re better than mine as I’m a cheapskate and just shop and primark and matalan whereas Erika has better brands!

Anyway, so we all went off to the station to make our way to Richmond where the food festival was.

We arrived and all went straight to the different bars. Antony got a beer, I got cider, Karen and Beth had pimms, Connor and Emily had cocktails, Erika had prossecco and I think Adam had beer! More like an alcohol festival than food so far!

There was a band playing some typical music that everyone knows the words to, like queen and I can’t remember the name of the song but all I keep singing is ‘sweet dreams are made of cheese, who am I to disabrie’ hopefully you know the one.. kind of.

So we all decided to go off and get the food we liked and meet on the grass. Antony’s friend was working at the festival which is how we heard of it. And we went over to say Hi and he made us 2 mixed meat Greek pitta wrap things. It was amazing! It was a big pitta bread with chips, garlicy sauce with about 3/4 different meats. Yum.

We sat and ate and chilled for a bit. It started to rain a little which was annoying as we’d all taken the piss out of Antony for bringing a jacket ... now I had to ask nicely to borrow it. He let me until I started singing rupaul and then took it away until I stopped.







We ended up going for a wander and getting more drinks. I was getting very drunk quite quickly, to be honest everyone was! Apart from my dad of course as he doesn’t drink at all.

We saw a sign shop and Karen bought Antony a mancave sign which is damn cool!

To be honest, I know a lot more happened but it’s a little bit blurry from here on as I had a lot a lot of 6% cider... ooh I also had a vimto cider which was amazing!

Okay so yeah, I’m not sure on a lot that happened next. I do remember lots of photos being taken and being dragged across the grass by Connor and then him and Emily touching my neck and me being dramatic about it. I remember a lot of being picked up and picking people up and yes. It was all very drunken. I don’t remember the journey home and I’m pretty sure soon after getting home I ended up in bed feeling sick.. it was about 9pm.

Party animal me (Jamie T, if you know, you know) 

I’ve just woken up, feeling surprisingly fresh for how much booze I had but I guess I’ve also slept for 10 hours ha. 

I just made a cheese spread sandwich and cleaned the garlic butter Antony spilt all over the sofa. Looks like pizza was ordered. Gutted I missed out! 

I’m having sooty (kitty) cuddles and debating whether to go to the gym now or later. Cos I could watch the new rupaul.. 

Family fun

Today’s post is very positive!

So after work on Thursday I went and got my haircut and then came home to finish off any last bits before my family arrived.

Antony set up the replacement table and chairs, yay! So when we had finished everything, we sat outside and relaxed with a beverage.

First to arrive was my twin bro Connor. He came in, farted in every room and then needed a poo! Typical Connor..

Not long after, my dad, step mum and sister arrived. So exciting! And so strange to have them here as we’re usually in Manchester. I showed them around and then we sat and ordered pizza. Beaut.

We didn’t stay up too much longer as it was already about 1am at this point so we all went off to bed.

I woke up at 6 as per usual.. which is so very annoying. I got up, went for a run and then when I got back me and my sister sat in the sun chatting away and painting our nails. And screaming about the wasps! My step mum, Karen came and joined and we had a nice chill.

Once everyone else was up I made them some brekkie and we all got ready for the day.

Me, my dad, Connor (twinnie) and Beth (sister) played the longest game of cards ever which was hilarious. Making stupid noises to do the reverse card and Connor showing us a magic trick which was made better by his silly sound effects.

After picking my brothers girlfriend Emily up we all got back to mine and sat in the sun with prossecco cocktail Karen had made. It was yummy! And many laughs were bad.

Antony got back after finishing work and we got ready and headed to Turtle Bay.

We got there and ordered lots of cocktails to start. Beth is only 16 but always seems to get away with drinking. She is gorgeous and does her make up so well! I am jealous of her! We look the same age. We’re both 5foot. We actually had to ask someone in Sainsbury’s to pass up something from the top shelf earlier in the day and the man laughed at us calling us short! We know mate.. we know.

The food in Turtle Bay was Caribbean and delicious. We had such a laughs as we always do.

We came home and attempted to play cards against humanity but to be honest we were all so tired - especially me who ended up being a grump because I’d not got enough sleep the night before!

So me and Beth headed up, not before checking the weather for the next day as we’re going to a food festival in Richmond. Looking forward to it, my other brother and his girlfriend are also coming to meet us so should be good!