Typical Tuesday

My day started off by ignoring my alarm which was for me to go off to the gym.. but I thought naaa. I am aching almost everywhere after body pump yesterday and besides, it's the 1st of May which means my random challenge of exercising all of April is over!

Anyway, I woke up and exercised in the mancave haha. I went back to sleep for a bit then when I was awake thought I may as well squeeze in half an hour. 

I weighed myself at the beginning of January, determined to hit the gym loads this year and then I weighed myself the other day. I thought I'd done loads of exercise so it surely wasn't going to go up! But I guess I have eaten a bit.. relaxed you could say. 

I normally eat healthily and then the weekend I just let loose. But since moving into my own place in Jan I feel like I just let myself go when it came to eating. I don't know why I just relaxed more. 

So anyway, I've put weight on and I'm really sad about it! I have to say I can't tell if I look in the mirror. And my mum said it's because I drank lots the weekend before.. so I'm sticking to that. 

But for reals, I am little gutted about this as I really like to be fit and healthy, especially as Summer is coming!

Anyway, back to this typical Tues, I then showered and woke a very sleepy and lazy Antony up (as per) and he went off to work and did I shortly afterwards.

Work was fineeee, always is. Enjoying having my manager back at work so we can have a lil natter.

I met Ant for lunch and we did a few bits and went to get a coffee. I really like having Antony work right next to me so we can meet for lunch.. we see each other so often. I know some couples may not see each other as much or think they'd get sick of their other half but honestly, we love it. 

Guess we are just needy f*ckers. If I go to the gym at lunch Ant jokingly sulks at me! 

Anyway, nothing really exciting happening today. I am starting to feed my friend's cats tonight so am going to do that from work then Lois is coming over for the weekly gossip.

Lois has made me dinner tonight, so am looking forward to that, hoping she doesn't poison me.. 

Morning madness

Monday mornings are the best arent they?

Especially when you clear your cat's litter out then 2 seconds later one of them, not only poops right away but also walks the poop it through the house. 

Ah, just a lovely start to the day! I also stepped in one of the poop paw prints.. haha, just my luck. 

But even though that was the start to my day, I'm feeling happy.

Nothing special going on today, just work, body pump at lunch then home really.

I did some housey bits this morning so I've got next to nothing to do when I get home, which is so nice for a Monday evening. 

Antony recently split the money left in the joint account he shared with his brother.. and not to steal his money BUT... if he's not going to spend it or plan how to spend it, then I might just have to! Okay, that sounds really bad, I don't mean to sound like a gold digger.

We just have loads we need to do around the house.. and Antony won't plan or do anything unless I give him a nudge.. or 20.

The first priority (in my opinion) is getting a cat flap. Our cats love going outside but at the moment can only go out when we're there, which is evenings and weekends but not all of the day sometimes.

And it would be fabulous if the cats could poop outside!! 

The other things on the list are, paint pretty much every room, new carpets, new bathroom, sort the garden out and most importantly (to Ant) is sorting out the mancave/garage at the back of the garden. 

We have these big ideas and it is really exciting.. we just need to get started! So we have started talking about that today. These are the 2 really awesome and artistic pictures we drew:

Mines the white one.. Ants is done on snapchat so not great, neither are to be honest!

Okay, so we have some work to do.. I really really want to get to work on the house/mancave/everywhere to be honest because the house is lovely... but does need work! We were happy to just live in it as it was because getting our own home together was sobloody  amazing and all we wanted for so long. Now I think we’re ready to make it our own and make it look modern. 

We just always seem to have plans every weekend, and when we don't we just want to chill!

I really hope that we can start to plan and get the ball rolling soon because at the moment, nothing really matches and when we show people round we say oh we want to do this and that... I want to be showing people round like look! We did this and it looks good right!? 

Anyway, I’m getting quotes together for the back door/cat flap (thinking of just getting a whole new door) and so hopefully this will be the start.

I’m currently sat with a cute little kitty on my lap, which I don’t think I write enough about! 

I love my little babies so so much and I really do think they love us too! Sooty who is very timid around other people is so confident with us and it really makes me happy. 

Love my lil family in our lil home. 

Sunday Slobday

This weekend has been so nice and chilled, I've loved it!

Saturday after cleaning my house and then having a nice bath, I painted my nails and sat with Antony whilst he played his game.

Ant's mum brought round some cupboards for storage in the mancave, which was great.. apart from the fact that I had swept and mopped the floor and ... it was ruined by grass and muddy foot prints about an hour later *upside down smile emoji*

Anyway, that's my mini moan over, can't have a post without at least one moan!

So Saturday evening we were going out for Ant's mum' birthday so we got ready and headed into Staines. As we arrived we heard Hannah, Ant's sis and one of my mates, shouting out the window of her brother's car 'wait for me!! They're refusing to walk with me!!'

Hannah had a wig party after the meal we were going to and looked... different.

She had pink/orangey hair, multi coloured fur cardigan on and little mini skirt.. she looked awesome, just maybe not for Nandos and cinema!

Anyway, Nandos was yummy and nice to see everyone. Halloumi sticks are my absolute favourite thing at the moment, with chilli jam, they're so nice! Dinner was slightly rushed as we had to get to the cinema.

We got to the cinema and Ant spent £15 on sweets and ice cream.. I got the fanta frozen which is so nice and I haven't had in years!

We were seeing Infinity War which is an Avengers film. This is something Ant loves, as do his family, not something I would usually watch. But it was so good! We all really enjoyed it.

I am such an early bird so I was really tired after the film. It was only about 11pm but I wake before 7 every day and so I always want to go to sleep early (unless having a sesh haha).

So we came home, we had a cuppa tea and then went to bed.

I woke up at 8:47! Which was after Antony! This makes me so happy and I love when Ant is the one awake before me because it's so rare and it means he brings me coffee and I get to be the sleepy one.

Anyway, I woke up, got ready and went off to the gym.

I have almost closed my rings for this whole month but recently cheated a little, I put the watch on exercise when I was cleaning my house and so yes, I closed my rings, but no I didn't really do a workout.

So I had my break yesterday and today I went to a tone class. I have to say it was a lot of cardio for a tone class! But I enjoyed it a lot.

I went to Sainsburys and then to my friend Chris' house who recently left the company I work for.

I had a coffee and a catch up and he showed me round his lovely house/cabin at the back of his garden. The cabin is so awesome, a really chilled out area with an amazing hot tub in it. I am looking after his cats for the next two weeks as he is going to California.

Chris' house is in between mine and work so should be quite easy to fit into my routine and I love cats of course so will be nice!

I text Lois earlier and mentioned we could have our Tuesday catch up there!

I then came home and after a quick shower, started making a chilli.

I really enjoy cooking and so when I'm feeling fresh on a Sunday, take the opportunity to make food and freeze it. So I made loads of chilli and marinated chicken for tonight's curry.

Me and Ant are making a chicken and spinach balti, I've not made this before so hoping it's yummy!

Obviously it's Sunday so it's the law to slob. So once I'd sorted foody bits out, I plonked myself next to Antony who is, surprise surprise, playing his playstation.

I've watched about 3 episodes of First Dates and now I think I'll watch Educating Greater Manchester.

I want to distract myself away from the fact the weekend is almost over! But I am feeling good, after a nice and chilled weekend I feel I am going to work anxiety and tiredness free. Well hopefully anyway!

Weekend is here

Thursdays work social went well!

I have to say I was so anxious about it most of the day, sweating but not hot and just worrying about what could go wrong and that I might mess it up. And the work deodorant smelt like man so I’m oretty sure I did for the rest of the night.

We left work and all headed into Feltham where the bowling alley was.

We got to the desk and I checked us all in, got the drinks and the food ordered and then got the games started!

I was so so bad. Almost every ball went straight down the side.. but you know I was there to make sure everyone was sorted and having a good time. So my aim was to be really rubbish so that everyone else felt good about how they were doing!

We had another drink and switched the teams around, it was good fun!

We then headed to Nando’s which was a short walk away.. I thought I knew where it was, until turning a corner and it not being where I expected. I definitely had a little panic inside because 20 odd people were following me!

Luckily it was just round the next corner. Phew.

Then the mayhem! We all got to our big table at the back, it was loud and the whole place was so packed! In Nando’s they don’t come and take your order so it was up to me to go around the table and get everyone’s order. It was slightly challenging as people were not specific! But all fine.

I went off to the till to order 700 chicken thighs..

Eventually everyone got their meal and we all sat eating and chatting  away. We had a good laugh.. At the end, my director said it was well organised and seemed happy. Massive relief.

Then next morning was FriYaY!

I dont really have much planned for this weekend and am looking forward to a chill to be honest as this week has been miserable at times and I have to say I’ve been pretty anxious for a lot of the week.

Talking about anxiety..

A couple years ago I went on a work trip to somewhere where they spoke about bomb making, interesting stuff! It was just me and one of the other guy that worked with me, Mark.

Everything was fine, until 2 people walked up to us and started chatting away. Out of nowhere I had what I compare to an out of body experience .. sounds weird and probably dramatic but anyway.

I just couldn’t speak or move and I felt like my head was too big and heavy for my body.

My thoughts didn’t feel like normal thoughts in my head.

I was sweaty and feeling really hot and my brain just wouldn’t work. I had absolutely no idea what was happening. I just remember feeling stuck where I was and had no idea what to do. It honestly felt like I had taken a hallucinogenic drug or something.

I took myself off to the loo and just tried to breath but all I kept thinking was what the hell is happening to me?!

The rest of the day was awful because I just kept trying to play it cool but all I could think was what if it happens again. There was no-one I could talk to and Mark was my lift so I couldn’t leave even though that’s all I wanted to do!

So I’m pretty sure I had some sort of panic attack, but why! I still don’t know.

Since then I’ve had a pretty bumpy ride with anxiety. I always think that’s going to happen again and I genuinely feel my life has been different since that day.

Now I get hot and bothered randomly and worry about all sorts of things. It’s not all the time, it’s mainly at work or maybe even some social events but not too often.

I have to fight my own thoughts. Really tell myself everything is fine and ask myself what am I actually worrying about. I have to remind myself where I am, who I have around me and really calm myself down.

Anyway the reason I spoke about this is because this week I’ve had a bit of a bad time with it. With the worry of drinking too much over the previous weekend, having an argument with Antony and the work social.

I got home yesterday feeling so drained. But! I had some wine and ordered a curry and enjoyed my night.

Today I’ve woken up feeling positive, cleaned my entire house and now chilling in the bath.

This has been a very long post so i’ll leave it there. To anyone else who has had a similar experience or struggling with anxiety. It’s okay to feel like that! It’s actually a lot more common that I first thought., just breathe and remind youself. Life. Is. Good. And you are okay!

Life

So I wasn't going to post until tomorrow to be honest, but then my mum was asking why I hadn't posted. I haven't posed because I haven't had the best couple of days! I didn't want to have depressive and moany posts on here, but then my mum, quite rightly said that it won't be a true account of my life without the moany posts! 

I wanted this blog to be able to look back on how life was for me at 24! Even the negative bits.

So, mum you asked for it!

On Tuesday, I spent the majority of the day feeling pretty down about the fact that I drank too much over the weekend and ended up having a drama with Emily. Me and Emily are quite close friends considering we don't see each other all the time and she's my brother's gf. So it was upsetting to have a drama and know it was my fault! 

It's all fine now as we have spoken about it and know it was just drunken stupidity. But yeah, I spent most of Tuesday moping about and worrying about what people think of me when I drink. I drink to have a good time! I hate the thought of people thinking I am bringing the mood down or ruining the fun! I am going to really try and drink in moderation whatever that means.. so I'm gonna drink until I'm a fun level and not go past it.. and past it.....aaaand past it. 

Anyway, I cheered up when I got home and me and Antony had a stair cuddle. Stair cuddles are the absolute best! I am only 5 foot and so if I stand on the bottom stair and Antony on the floor means we have a really good hug! I genuinely find its a healing hug, so soppy but its really helps. 

Wednesday was a normal work day to be honest, not much to report! Just work, meet Ant for lunch/coffee and back to work. 

I actually went into Primark after work to treat myself to some new tops and shoes as it was payday.

I got home and did some house work and waited for Ant to come home. Lois had text me she'd had a bit of drama with her boyfriend and then when I mentioned it to Antony, we ended up having a bit of a drama! So yesterday wasn't much fun either BUT we have talked it through and are fine.. me and Antony never ever argue unless its just petty like 'put your shoes in the shoe area for god sake!!'

So having this drama yesterday hurt alot because it's so unlike us. But as I said, we are fine now and I can't wait to see him at 12 for a squeeze!

Today my manager is back in work and I am looking forward to seeing her tanned self and hearing all the holiday stories. 

After work we are all off to bowling and then Nandos which should be good fun! I am slightly anxious about it just because I am the organiser so I need to be loud and get everything together, sort drink order and food orders out. I am looking forward to it, but as I said I'm 5 foot and tiny so I sometimes feel like how am I supposed to organise 20 people! But I am a loudmouth and I'm sure it will all go fine. 

I'll let you know how it goes!

Last min lunch

As you know if you read my super exciting blog.. my dad and family all left yesterday to head back home. Or did they?!

I was texting my dad to see what he was up to whilst I was at work and he ended up coming to meet me and Ant for lunch! It was so nice to have that little extension on our weekend and we went to Nostrano Lounge which I love. It's so cute and cosy. And the food is really good, I always get the soup. Mm Mm. 

That really cheered my Monday up! 

What else cheered me up is after getting home from work/gym, my house was clean and tidy!! 

My family had emptied my dishwasher, hung up my washing, empty the bins.. and yeah, made everywhere look lovely. Which I am SO grateful for as I was thinking I'd get home, have a proper clean and tidy then just go to bed. But I managed to be chilling on the sofa by half 6! I also slept at half 9! Beautiful.

Oh, they also left us this note:

I woke up this morning feeling refreshed and ready for the day! I did write a to do list of things I want to do when I get in, like tidy the secret places where I plonked stuff! And I want to have a nice long bath and have another early night because I just love my sleep.

My day has just gone from quite positive to really quite shite though. 

At the weekend when we went to the food festival I had a bit of a drama with my brother's girlfriend. Which was really stupid because we are quite close and get on really well! 

Anyway, long story short my mums just told me some home truths about how I am an idiot when I'm drunk and change.. and now I'm sat here thinking about how everyone talks about me and how much of a twat I am when I drink.. just feels really really crap. It's no-ones fault other than my own that I am feeling down now because I do drink too much and I should stop when I'm feeling pissed!

So I'm not really gonna write much more because it would just be depressing! 

Hopefully my next post will be a happier one. 

Sunday funday

Sundays I always find slightly depressing.

For me, I always wake up really hungover and then the realisation of work sets in later and its just a bit meh.

But, on this occasion it wasn't so bad at all! I mean, I did wake up feeling pretty rough in the end but managed to shake it off and make us all a fry up and again, out into the sunshine!

I am so glad Antony returned the set of table and chairs for outside because the new ones are so much better (obviously) and we've used them every day since! It's been so nice. Especially as there's been 10 of us at certain points and my house isn't huge!

Anyway, so back to Sunday. We spent most of the day chilling in the garden, talking about the usual, weather, holidays, serial killers.. you know.

We then all bundled into the cars to go and visit Runnymede Air force Memorial. It was pretty incredible to be honest.

The view from the top was awesome! You could see Windsor Castle and Heathrow.





Obviously, it's an awful reason as to why it exists but I also thought it was such a lovely way to remember those who fought for us. We had a wander round for a while and Antony was giving me a History lesson.. I should have listened in school really!

We then left to go to the Magna Carta but that was closed, so we just went for a walk around. We did look at the 'Jurors' which I googled as I couldn't explain what they were: ' Twelve intricately worked bronze chairs stand together on this ancient meadow. Each chair incorporates symbols and imagery representing concepts of law and key moments in the struggle for freedom, rule of law and equal rights. The Jurors is not a memorial, but rather an artwork that aims to examine the changing and ongoing significance and influences of Magna Carta.'




They were really cool! And now I really want to learn more about this kind of thing.. I want to go back to school to be honest and really concentrate because I feel like I didn't make the most of it at all.

We were all feeling pretty tired now so we headed back home.

Connor used to be a chef and so offered to make us all a cheesy, creamy, spinachy, leeky, amazing pasta bake. Omg it was incredible! And I have it tonight too as there was loads left!

So, we ate this delicious meal and then it was time for Connor and his girlfriend Emily to leave. I really hate this part..

We said our goodbyes and my dad dropped them to the train station.

Feeling really tired after a weekend of drinking in the sun, we pretty much all went to bed when my dad got back. I slept so awfully as all I could think about was going back to work and routine.. was dreaming about making salads for lunches.

Anyway, so it's Monday morning and I'm feeling a little bit sad as when I get home after work, my house is going to be empty and quiet. I absolutely love seeing my family but having to say bye again really sucks when they live so far away!

We really did have such an amazing weekend! So many laughs were had and memories were made. It's been so so much fun and I want to re-do it all.. but maybe tomorrow so I can catch up on some sleep first.