Well to get straight to the point, he didn't recover and he passed away after around 2 weeks in the hospital.
I am still in shock about this to be honest, how on earth did this happen?! He wasn't an old frail man who was going to die in a year or 2.. this wasnt his time at all.
I wont go into too much detail because honestly its just heartbreaking.. but my mum had told me he'd been taken to hospital in an ambulance as he was struggling to breathe. He'd even answered the phone to her whilst in the ambulance!
A couple days later and he'd be tested positive for coronavirus, a chest infection and a blood infection.. all sounds so fatal but because we'd been chatting to him and we had a family group chat going about how he was doing.. it didnt really sink it that he could actually die.
He was in such good spirits, I had texted him my love and well wishes a few time and he'd replied with a typical grandad jokes and it just seemed that he was improving and was going to be out in a week.. I was stupidly very positive to be honest! I think it's just cos I know him and what he was like at the time. You know, if you read all his symptoms and problems on paper it does sound fatal and unlikely that he'd survive but we kept hope.
Anyway.. skipping forward to the dreadful part, Helen (my aunty) who had been sending updates in the family chat, along with everyone else, had sent a message to basically say it wasnt looking good. No improvement and that he was going to fade away basically. This really hit me, I'm not the closest to my family in Manchester because I live so far away but it absolutely broke my heart that we were going to lose such a good man in this awful way.
That night everyone sent their numbers to organise video chats with my grandad before he passed.. how awful. I cant imagine how he must have felt enjoying these video calls and seeing everyone, but knowing the reason behind it. Just horrible to think about.
I didnt get to have a video call because it was getting late and he was tired, I put my number in the chat but didnt push for it because I felt bad for everyone organising it and that he was getting tired. I dunno, I just felt silly.
But now I wish I had because I didnt really get to say good bye properly. Although my mums told me that he didnt look great in the mask etc so maybe it's a good thing I dont remember him as looking that way.
So my grandad passed away with a nurse by his side. I cried so much, I have cried so much and still do thinking about it.
That nurse as well, how hard that must have been for her and I am so grateful to her. It's a definite comfort to know he wasnt alone in his last moments.
So, that was it. My grandad who a few weeks ago was absolutely fine, chatting, dancing.. socialising all the time.. was gone in an instant.
I might not have been his closest family member but it breaks my heart so much to look at pics of him and think about memories.. and know that he's actually not here anymore.
It's so unfair, my brain can't come to terms with how this is even possible to be honest because this was NOT his time at all. It makes me angry.
What also hurts so much thinking about all my family who are all grieving and struggling now.
Especially my Mum. This hurts my heart so frigging much I cant even put into words! Just the thought of her sad makes me cry so much. And the worst thing is not being able to be with her or any of the family and support each other.
We had a video call the following night to raise a glass for my grandad. As soon as I saw mum I started crying. It was really nice but so emotional.
It was quite funny at first to be honest.. so many of us trying to connect and work out the camera/mic and not talk over each other. It was just so typical - like a scene out of a tv show.
We then talked about memories and shared pictures that we had of Grandad and it was very bittersweet.. the memories were all funny and silly because he was such a laugh but it was also so sad.
I couldnt help but think if he was on this call he'd have been such a big character and would have us laughing.
The days that followed were just a bit depressing to be honest.. just constantly thinking about him and then thinking about my heartbroken family.
The worst part is that just because we've lost someone.. it doesnt mean we're out of the woods yet.
That's not how this works, it's not a rule of, lose someone and then it's over. This virus is very real, very much still around and very scary.
I am really confused by it at the moment to be honest because one minute I hear that we have the highest death rate in Europe and the next I hear that the lockdown rules will be relaxing as of this Monday (3 days times).
How does that make any sense? Okay, I'd love to not be in lockdown now, I'm desperate for life to go back to normal - or as normal as it could after a pandemic.. but I feel like we're just going to relax the rules too early and then more people are going to die.. more families are going to suffer. It just seems so stupid to me.
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